30 Insane Rules for Driving In Lagos

    1. When in doubt, accelerate!
    2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you that is wearing a uniform. (Police, Traffic Warden, FRSC, Kai Brigade, Fire Brigade, VIO, LASTMA, Oluomo boys, Boys Scout, Boys Brigade)
    3. If you get caught by any chance, do not allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in, veer off traffic and settle promptly, never follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay more. Or pretend you’re calling your uncle in Army or Navy.
    4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date). Settle them on time and move on.
    5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.
    6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque.
    7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have no brakes.
    8. Yellow Taxi cabs (oko ashewo) believe they should always have the right of way, give it to them, they have been driving in Lagos for 25 years.
    9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
    10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!
    11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Potholes are put in key locations to test your reflexes and shock absorbers.
    12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos. Always expect traffic from any direction. Ask Okada riders for counsel in this area.
    13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole Saturday at the panel beater’s.
    14. Morning rush hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix. It is about who gets to the junction first.
    15. There is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Expect everybody to take that ’short-cut’.
    16. When asking for directions, always ask at least three people. Lagosians always claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to. 
    17. Never believe the 1st or 2nd person you ask for directions, keep asking until you get to your destination. Some people take pride in misleading others.
    18. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.
    19. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.
    20. Hazard lights (double pointer) are not used to indicate a hazard, it is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver. He’s heading straight and will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast of horn. He’s on a suicide mission.
    21. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
    22. It is not every spot you change your flat tyre. Oluomo boys are everywhere, and they will make sure you pay for using their ground. 
    23. When your car breaks down and some gruffly boys are around you, be prepared to pay. It is called protection fee [even if all they do is stare at you from a distance.]
    24. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
    25. Every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.
    26. Horn back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.
    27. Horn when you hear others a chorus of horns, even if you don’t know what the ‘horning’ is about. 
    28. Horn to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.
    29. When you’re the only one on the road and speeding happily down the road, horn. It’s a s
    30. ign of gratitude. 
    31. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!

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