Mother Eve was cleaning up the kitchen somewhere around Shitta in Lagos while Oga Adamu relaxed with a keg of palm wine after a pounded yam meal, right under the Dongoyaro tree. Quietly from behind, God showed up.
The garden was quiet. The sun had gone into its hiding place, the moon peeped timidly from the celestial fabric, about to break forth; and the stars bustled with fresh energy.
The frogs were croaking noisily, chickens cackling quietly beside the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And the mosquitoes? They were busy humming and warming up for the night’s business, coupled with the sonorous howls of owls that sent chilling sensations into the garden.
The rivers were flowing peacefully, the nature was at peace.
‘Adamu Shitta’ God hailed and touched him gently.
‘Baba I gentle o!’ Adam replied, rising to his feet.
‘I just finished a bowl of pounded yam and Eve will bring yours’
‘Oh Adam, you don’t worry about that. I ate fresh Manna before coming over. So how’s today?’ God asked.
‘Baba, e choke o but nothing do me sha’.
‘Good. So how did you see the pounded yam meal?’
‘Ha Baba! I wish you had a taste. Eve is a super cook, and when it comes to the oza room, I give her kudos.’
‘Spoilt kid’. God and Adam laughed it off as God hit him playfully.
‘Oh Adam, I’m so happy you’re enjoying your marriage. Can we stroll around the garden if you’re not too tired?’
Adam and God came out holding hands, strolling into the garden, chatting, and laughing.
Suddenly an animal ran across their path…startled, God asked…
‘Adam, what did you brand that animal?’
‘It’s Zebra Sir!’
‘Zebra?! Beautiful name! Adam, you’re creative! Brand manager geng’ God exclaimed happily.
‘Thanks Baba. You groomed me well.’
They continued chatting around the garden.
Adam threw his hand around God’s waist as they moved on.
Then God saw a tall tree.
‘Adam, what brand of tree is that?’
‘Oh, that’s Mahogany’. Adam replied.
‘Adam! You’re a genius!’ God screamed!
They strolled on happily while God kept revealing His plans and visions to Adam, teaching him strategic approaches to brand nomenclature… and even chatted about Adam and Eve’s nightly beautiful nonsenses.
Then God spotted another animal brand.
‘Guru Adam, what’s that animal called?’ God pointed.
‘Em…emm…oh, that’s Baboon’. Adam replied.
‘Whaaat! Adam, who taught you all these?’
‘Baba, have you forgotten I’m made in your image?’
‘Hmmm… let’s go out for a drink, you deserve it’.
With bottles of Coke in their hands, Adam showed God around to see the various projects he was executing: the construction sites, the in-vogue horticultural practices, his brand nomenclature strategies, the water distribution channels, the animal crossbreeding projects…
God was super impressed and blessed Adam. He gave him a 300% salary raise, a ‘tear-leather’ Range Rover Sports as official vehicle, and a 10-winged duplex Caribbean Island home.
God revealed his entire plans for the earth and even commissioned Adam to take over the re-branding of heaven when he’s through at Eden. It was a happy get-together.
Satisfied and happy, God left, looking forward to the next day’s visit. Adam too whistled home happily, skipping along as songs of joy busted from his mouth. He couldn’t wait to share the good news with Eve.
That was a God-man branded relationship in the beginning. By the time God returned the next day to chat with Adam, tragedy had befallen humanity. Mother Eve had eaten the damn apple and shared the booty with Adam.
Coincidentally, Lagos was created that same day.
